Apparently the first birthday is the turning point.
It is then that people find it socially acceptable to start asking when the next baby is coming. Why is that?
To be honest, the thought of another baby came to me when Cade was only three or four months old. In the throes of post-partum depression, I thought getting pregnant would be a good idea. It is hard to explain the feelings I had at that time. I had a perfectly healthy, happy baby boy who I loved with all of my heart. But, I felt like I had lost something when he was born. I am not sure if it was the intimate, personal connection I felt when I was carrying him...or the excitement and anticipation that grew everyday that I was pregnant. I felt lost. And I thought that if I got pregnant again, those feelings would come back and I would be happy. Luckily, before that happened, since I was very much not in the right place to become pregnant again, I went to my doctor. Apparently I didn't need another baby...just a little Prozac.
So, back to the present. Am I ready for another baby? Part of me is really enjoying the "toddler" stage that we are now in. Easier to pack up and leave the house...no bottles or baby food jars. It is just nice. But, part of me longs for a new baby. Teeny tiny toes, the sweet baby clothes...the way they smell and snuggle.
I guess I have some fears of going back to that stage. I am afraid that if I was so manic after my first baby, what will happen after the second?
It is then that people find it socially acceptable to start asking when the next baby is coming. Why is that?
To be honest, the thought of another baby came to me when Cade was only three or four months old. In the throes of post-partum depression, I thought getting pregnant would be a good idea. It is hard to explain the feelings I had at that time. I had a perfectly healthy, happy baby boy who I loved with all of my heart. But, I felt like I had lost something when he was born. I am not sure if it was the intimate, personal connection I felt when I was carrying him...or the excitement and anticipation that grew everyday that I was pregnant. I felt lost. And I thought that if I got pregnant again, those feelings would come back and I would be happy. Luckily, before that happened, since I was very much not in the right place to become pregnant again, I went to my doctor. Apparently I didn't need another baby...just a little Prozac.
So, back to the present. Am I ready for another baby? Part of me is really enjoying the "toddler" stage that we are now in. Easier to pack up and leave the house...no bottles or baby food jars. It is just nice. But, part of me longs for a new baby. Teeny tiny toes, the sweet baby clothes...the way they smell and snuggle.
I guess I have some fears of going back to that stage. I am afraid that if I was so manic after my first baby, what will happen after the second?
So am I ready? What? Just because Cade is one you think you can ask that?
1 comment:
I think you will know when its ready. Either way, I stand behind whatever decision you make. You and Jim made one cute little baby..I know it will happen again.
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