I apologize in advance for the rambling, but a lot of this I needed to work out in my head (or on the internet)
I went to a funeral on Saturday. My second funeral in like three weeks. My second funeral for a child in like three weeks. My second funeral for a beautiful girl in like three weeks. The second time my heart has been broken in like three weeks.
You may remember me talking about the first funeral. Baby_Brielle was my friend's baby who had Trisomy 18 and finally lost her battle with life on February 11th. It was sad but the service for Brielle was a celebration of life and a testimony of God's goodness. It was beautiful. As horrible as it was to bury a baby girl who only lived 93 days, you knew that Brielle was no longer suffering and struggling and that she was in Heaven and peaceful and happy.
The funeral I attended on Saturday was for Jasmine Bowden. It was also a memorial service for Jasmine's Grandmother and Aunt as all three lives were taken by the bus_crash in Utah on January 6th, 2007. Jasmine's mother, Debbie, worked at my store with me. Debbie, her husband, and her two sons were also on this bus. Debbie was critically injured and was just released from the hospital this past Friday. I am assuming that is why the funeral was postponed for so long.
Saturday's service was very difficult for me. So much more it seems than Brielle's funeral was. Is that the difference between knowing and preparing for the death of one battling an illness compared to an unforeseen, unimaginable tragedy? I am confused by my feelings. I met baby Brielle and got to hold her in my arms. She was so tiny and beautiful. I never met Jasmine Bowden. And yet her funeral caused me more grief and anguish than Brielle's. However, I felt in a way connected to Jasmine.
Jasmine was 16 and attended the same high school I did. She was in the marching band, just like I was. She was the only girl stuck in between two boys. She loved school and worked hard to be a straight A student. She had dreams. Due to this unfortunate tragedy, she will never get to fulfill them. I broke down twice during the funeral. The first was when the DVHS marching band--in full uniform--marched into the church playing the DV fight song. A flood of happy memories overwhelmed me and the gratefulness that I got to experience that and so much more past high school made the reality of this event sink in and broke my heart. The second time was when Alfred, Jasmine's older brother, got up to speak. He said that the thing that makes him the most sad is that he will never see what his amazing sister could have become. Immediately following that statement he broke down. He was still trying to talk, but the sobs made him incomprehensible. Seeing this 18 year-old cry broke every one's hearts. This family was devastated by the death of three family members. They are running very low on hope.
Yesterday at church, Pastor Al was talking to me, it seemed. He said that it was okay to cry when other people are hurting. That Jesus himself wept. We have an image of God up in Heaven controlling everything. But he is here in our midst. Not only does He heal our pain, but He also feels our pain. Hope is found in a tear--a tear on the face of Jesus. Because of that tear--because of that hope, these tragedies that we experience can be transformed. Pastor Al also caught my attention by talking about how we all trust God to provide a home for us in Heaven when we die. But can we who entrust our future in God entrust our present? Wow. I need to let go and let God!
Please feel free to listen to the sermon--it was awesome. (I could only get it to pull up using Firefox--not IE)
I went to a funeral on Saturday. My second funeral in like three weeks. My second funeral for a child in like three weeks. My second funeral for a beautiful girl in like three weeks. The second time my heart has been broken in like three weeks.
You may remember me talking about the first funeral. Baby_Brielle was my friend's baby who had Trisomy 18 and finally lost her battle with life on February 11th. It was sad but the service for Brielle was a celebration of life and a testimony of God's goodness. It was beautiful. As horrible as it was to bury a baby girl who only lived 93 days, you knew that Brielle was no longer suffering and struggling and that she was in Heaven and peaceful and happy.
The funeral I attended on Saturday was for Jasmine Bowden. It was also a memorial service for Jasmine's Grandmother and Aunt as all three lives were taken by the bus_crash in Utah on January 6th, 2007. Jasmine's mother, Debbie, worked at my store with me. Debbie, her husband, and her two sons were also on this bus. Debbie was critically injured and was just released from the hospital this past Friday. I am assuming that is why the funeral was postponed for so long.
Saturday's service was very difficult for me. So much more it seems than Brielle's funeral was. Is that the difference between knowing and preparing for the death of one battling an illness compared to an unforeseen, unimaginable tragedy? I am confused by my feelings. I met baby Brielle and got to hold her in my arms. She was so tiny and beautiful. I never met Jasmine Bowden. And yet her funeral caused me more grief and anguish than Brielle's. However, I felt in a way connected to Jasmine.
Jasmine was 16 and attended the same high school I did. She was in the marching band, just like I was. She was the only girl stuck in between two boys. She loved school and worked hard to be a straight A student. She had dreams. Due to this unfortunate tragedy, she will never get to fulfill them. I broke down twice during the funeral. The first was when the DVHS marching band--in full uniform--marched into the church playing the DV fight song. A flood of happy memories overwhelmed me and the gratefulness that I got to experience that and so much more past high school made the reality of this event sink in and broke my heart. The second time was when Alfred, Jasmine's older brother, got up to speak. He said that the thing that makes him the most sad is that he will never see what his amazing sister could have become. Immediately following that statement he broke down. He was still trying to talk, but the sobs made him incomprehensible. Seeing this 18 year-old cry broke every one's hearts. This family was devastated by the death of three family members. They are running very low on hope.
Yesterday at church, Pastor Al was talking to me, it seemed. He said that it was okay to cry when other people are hurting. That Jesus himself wept. We have an image of God up in Heaven controlling everything. But he is here in our midst. Not only does He heal our pain, but He also feels our pain. Hope is found in a tear--a tear on the face of Jesus. Because of that tear--because of that hope, these tragedies that we experience can be transformed. Pastor Al also caught my attention by talking about how we all trust God to provide a home for us in Heaven when we die. But can we who entrust our future in God entrust our present? Wow. I need to let go and let God!
Please feel free to listen to the sermon--it was awesome. (I could only get it to pull up using Firefox--not IE)
http://www.peacelutheranaz.org/Sermon%203-9-08.mp3
Just to close with a praise, the most amazing thing about this funeral was that Debbie was there. She still has a "halo" on to keep her neck immobile, but she could walk and talk. I wasn't sure that I would ever see Debbie again, so that was a miracle in itself. Thank God for that.
Just to close with a praise, the most amazing thing about this funeral was that Debbie was there. She still has a "halo" on to keep her neck immobile, but she could walk and talk. I wasn't sure that I would ever see Debbie again, so that was a miracle in itself. Thank God for that.
3 comments:
Thank you for posting what I wanted to post, but clearly could not find the words to do so. It was comforting having you sitting next to me. I tried to explain to Chris why this death seemed to strike me the hardest. It wasn't because of her being a child...It was because she meant the world to this family. And you could just tell.
Compassion. It's one of your most beautiful qualities.
All my love goes out to you and those families.
I agree with K, you have so much compassion, even for someone you never met personally. Your words have me in tears also. I love you.
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